Ike's Commentary About His Fellow Brawlers
by Pit'sSexyWifeNikki66
Summary: Ike gives us his comments about what he thinks about all the other brawlers. He goes around and has a little fun with the other fighters. Everyone finds out what Ike really thinks about. Rated M for sexual content, bad language, and other things of the sort.


"Hello, Ike. We are sitting you down for an interview to find out your views on the other brawlers. How do you feel about being here?" The TV Reporter, Tyriel, asks.

They are outside of the Smash mansion. The large, muscular man is leaning against the wall. The blue haired mercenary looks thoughtful, then he replies.

"Uh, I don't know. It's pretty good, I guess. They've got good food, and I get to fight a bunch of people all the time." He replies gruffly.

"Well, we are going to attach this small pin to your clothing," The reporter holds up a small pin that is in the shape of a smash ball. "And you are going to go around and talk to the other brawlers. Tell them how you really feel about them. We want their reactions caught on camera, so make sure that is always on. Alright, if you're ready, go do it!"

Ike sighs and puts the pin on his clothes. After putting it on, he walks into the Smash mansion and walks over to the first brawler he sees. Samus. She is talking to several other brawlers.

"Hey Samus!" Ike runs over to her. She turns around. "Samus, I love you!" Ike gets down on one knee and holds his heart.

Samus's face flushes and tears well up in her eyes. Everyone around her gasps.

"Really?" She pants.

"No, not really. You piss me off." Ike gets back up and shrugs.

She screams and runs off. Link glares at Ike, while the other two around him, Pit and Marth, laugh. Ike moves over to Link and leans in front of his face.

"I think you're sexy. You want me to touch you, don't you?" Ike runs his hands up Link's sides and pants on his neck.

Link gasps and faints in embarrassment. Ike goes over to Marth and glares at him.

"I don't like you. You're a dirty man whore." He growls.

Marth immediately lets out a girly scream. He stars crying uncontrollably and runs to his room. They all hear the door slam shut. Pit looks scared, and he turns to run, but slips and falls on his face. He quickly gets up and runs away, but Ike gives chase.

Pit screams in terror as the huge, muscular mercenary chases him. They run past several people, who all stop what they are doing and watch. Pit runs into the common room, which was a bad idea, as there is no way out besides the way he just came.

Pit stops, looking around in terror. He realizes that he just trapped himself, and he whimpers in distress. Ike tries to stop himself, but he can't and he slams into Pit. The small angel yelps as he and Ike both try to keep their footing, but they slip and ram into the wall.

Pit's chest is pressed to the wall, and Ike's chest is pressed to the brunet's back. Everyone in the common room look over at them. Ike quickly takes advantage of this pose and pushes one of his legs in between Pit's. He spreads his legs as far as he can, and pushes him down, making the little angel do the splits.

Pit whimpers in pain, but it quickly turns into a shocked cry as Ike gropes at his crotch. Pit struggles to get up, but Ike restrains him by wrapping his free arm around his small chest and holding him back up against him. He can feel Pit's heart beating wildly. He starts flailing more, making Ike push him against the wall more.

Ike licks, bites, and kisses Pit's neck until he leaves a large hickey. The whole time Pit is screaming and trying to get away. All the other brawlers are watching in shock. No one tries to help the angel get away. Ike then moves up and starts pulling his scarf and tunic off. He gets it off to his belt, revealing more of his tight, black undershirt. Pit stops struggling and he goes limp.

Ike stops and tips his head to look at Pit's face. Pit's eyes are closed. Ike looks worried and he noses Pit's cheek.

"Pit? Are you okay? Pit?" He noses his cheek again.

The mercenary's grip loosens around the angel's half bare chest. Before Ike can realize what's happening, Pit growls and slams his head into Ike's. Ike grunts and falls backwards, holding his forehead. Pit gets up sorely.

Everyone gasps as Pit's wings start turning grey, then black. His hair darkens to black as well. He turns around, and his normally bright blue eyes are glowing crimson. They all slowly back up. Pit picks up Ike by his belt without effort.

"Don't touch me like that ever again! I will not hesitate to kill you if you ever do that again!" His voice is deeper and growly.

Ike struggles to get out of his grip, but he fails. The evil looking Pit, who Ike remembers this version's name being Kuro, or Pittoo, throws him on the ground and stomps on his stomach. Ike lets out a pain filled groan as Kuro-Pit jumps on him again. One of the people in the room, Captain Falcon, runs over and puts Kuro-Pit into a full nelson. Ike sits up as Kuro-Pit flails wildly in Captain Falcon's grip. The demonic looking angel soon gets exhausted and stops moving. He dangles from the racer's grip.

All the other brawlers watch as Kuro-Pit's hair slowly fades back to brown, and his wings back to white. His eyes turn blue again. Pit stands back up and watches Ike, who's sitting on the ground, holding his stomach and forehead.

Captain Falcon cautiously lets the small angel go. Pit slowly goes over to Ike, looking completely confused. Ike flinches when Pit kneels next to him. The scared angel reaches a hand out and touches Ike's arm.

"Ike? Are you okay? I didn't mean to do that, I can't control it. It happens when I'm really scared or mad. I'm sorry, please Ike, forgive me." Pit whines quietly, tears streaming down his cheeks.

Ike looks up at him. He looks just as confused as Pit. He groans in pain. Pit quickly leans forward and hugs Ike. Ike gasps as he feels Pit's tight embrace around his large chest. He slowly hugs him back, making sure to be extra careful about where he touches his small body.

Before Ike registers what's happening, Pit lifts his head and kisses Ike. Ike gasps as the angel stays there, and doesn't pull away until he absolutely needs air. He finally pulls away and pants to get his breath back. Ike is just staring blankly at him.

Pit looks down in shame, but Ike lifts his head back up with one finger under his chin.

"Apology accepted. Pit, what I wanted to tell you before you almost killed me is that, I love you." Ike whispers so no one else hears.

"I don't believe you. I heard, and saw, what you did to Samus earlier." He snaps at me. "Love isn't something that you play around with."

"I know, but Pit, I really do love you. You are the only one who I love. Please believe me." Ike hugs him tightly.

Pit hugs him back, his eyes half closing. Ike nuzzles the side of his neck and rubs his back sweetly.

"Okay Ike. I believe you. And, I've really liked you since we met. Even though you're scary. I love you Ike." He mumbles as he buries his face in Ike's shoulder.

"I scare you? I'm sorry. I'll stop being so scary, but Pit, I have to finish doing something. Go to my room and wait for me there. I'll be there soon." Ike lets go of him.

Pit hesitates, but gets off him and goes to Ike's room. Ike stands up and turns to Captain Falcon.

"Hey bro. You're a good fighter, and very strong. I respect you as a good fighter. Other than that, I don't like you." Ike turns to Ganondorf, who is also in the room.

"You, you… Well, you are…" Ike stops, as he doesn't want to anger the scary Gerudo. "You are… very tall! Yeah, I wish I was that tall!" Ike smiles.

"Get away you idiot before I pound your face in." He growls.

"Ahh! Oh, okay!" Ike quickly runs away from him.

He moves over to Zelda and Peach.

"You both are very beautiful, but… I'm gay! So, you guys can't have any of this." Ike smiles deviously and holds his arms out, pointing to himself.

Zelda looks like she might cry, and Peach gasps.

"Why, Ike? Why are you gay? Please, leave Pit! I want you!" Zelda begs on her knees.

Peach takes off her tiara and throws it on the ground in anger. She stops off angrily. "That's it! I'm getting a sex change!"

A lot of the brawlers laugh.

"Nope. Go get Link. He likes girls." Ike walks off to Bowser.

"I'm not gonna lie, I would love to have you as a pet." Ike pulls a leash out of his pocket.

Bowser glares at him, then punches him in the face, sending him flying into the wall.

"Wow… Turtles hit hard. I think, I'll just stay here for a minute…" Ike stutters, then falls unconscious.


End file.
